joy with grief

  sharing my grief just a wee tiny bit here

may not make sense

but I discovered this from

an inspiring woman I follow

she is so sacred and dramatic

her name is Danielle Laporte

here I was, my son was gone...

"I'm aching over this loss, so can this aching gratitude in my core be real? Am I betraying my memories? Am I denying my pain?"

Not at all. You're expanding. says Danielle Laporte

whoa!  this is a definition of how I felt when I was grieving after my son Graham passed on.

It did not  fail that when I went  through the early beginnings of the most heart-breaking passages of my life — losing a son and all dreams dashed — the pain brought me to the floor of my being, and what was there to be found?

The simple joy of being alive. So cosmically basic it's mind-blowing: the joy to be here, connected, animated, breathing, blessed, resilient, to be broken, to be open, to have what was, what's left, what's coming. The joy just to be part of reality.

joy is an inner vibration that is always achingly in the background waiting
for you

an inspiring sculpture speaks to me about my grief

let me explain
the horse is powerful and strong (personal inner power)
the rider is fearless and will face the unknown as he
moves with his personal inner strength

grief is deep
grief is empowering

fire session

some days I do not recognize my gifts of being and I do enough!

so here is my thing....

 drink coffee in a.m.
writing 3 pages in morning pages
read a daily scripture or write my own prayer
make Shakeo and drink it also include

w/2 glasses water
dress to sweat and hit play
2 more glasses of water
eat breakfast and plan meals
sit on deck as much as possible
make bed sometime in morning
post on my blog/FB
sometimes shop for groceries
better yet read when I can
which is quite a bit
write an article if inspired by moment(s)
talk to horses

I enjoy an hour or two of lazin' too

the fire starts inside
when a day goes by and I never stop to wonder
 am I bored? or I feel complete?
I write what I did that day
it starts in the morning just like I said
and the day builds from there 
but it has to start with writing, drinking,
sweating and planning!

 Did I mention I love purple?

Deservability

The process is individual for each and I have had a personal journey with healing after the year 2004. After the first shocking grief.  The devastating unthinkable happened to our family.  The death of our first-born son and Tom's only sibling brother.

I am now working through the companion book of Louise L. Hay's.  This treatment is my motto these days and I read it out loud while looking at myself in the mirror, as is recommended.

I know this sounds simple.  But to look at myself in the mirror and read this "treatment" out loud is quite a different feeling.

I am one with Life, and all of Life loves and supports me.

I am deserving, I deserve all good.  Not some, not a little bit, but all good.  I now move past all negative restricting thoughts.

I release and let go of the limitations of my parents.

I can love them, and I can go beyond them.  I am not their negative opinions nor their limiting beliefs.  I am not bound by any of the fears of prejudices of the current society I live in.

I no longer identify with limitation of any kind.

In my mind I have total freedom.  I now move into a new space of consciousness where I am willing to see myself differently.  I am willing to create new thoughts about myself and about my life.  My new thinking becomes new experiences.

I now know and affirm that I am at one with the Prospering Power of the Universe.  As such, I now prosper in a number of ways.  The totality of possibilities lies before me.  I deserve a good life.  I deserve an abundance of love.  I deserve good health.  I deserve to live comfortable and to prosper, I deserve joy and happiness. I deserve freedom to be all that I can be.

I deserve more than that.  I deserve all good.

The Universe is more than willing to manifest my new beliefs.  This is the truth of my being, and I accept it as so.

All is well in my world.

Louise L. Hay

You Can Heal Your Life Companion Book

I want my son and husband to read this treatment.

like a rubber band

we are finishing the move changes this past weekend

Tom is in his first home now. His own place with a huge responsibility but also

an exciting time too.  I remember our first house.  Lots of room for stuff.

We moved our beds and sofa and dressers that were Tom's to SC.  

We now are going to our storage in Yorkton to bring back our beds and furniture to replenish the condo.  I feel like a rubber band. Going out and coming back in only to go out and come back in.  I am at the point where "We are elastic and can stretch ourselves, but only so much"!

The search for a retirement home is teetering between BC and more so to stay in Saskatchewan.  However the homes on acreages are not up to a standard that we would want to pay the high prices that are placed on them.  

I am reading the book QUIET - The Power Of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking

Interesting read and it states that introverts can learn to be extroverted but only so much and Brian and I are more on the introverted personality.  All these changes is expensive and exhaustive.

The good in all this is that we are healthy and have great friends and feeling stretched is okay for awhile and we are handling it.

the point of this post is:  All is good and life is good and full.  These are the best days when family and marriage is busy and active.  

(photo courtesy Catherine Sykes visit) spring 2013

January's quiet

after the christmas holiday and after my son went back to his home in SC; it seems  I am busy with wonderful  fun activities, reading and doing Yoga at least 3 times a week and their are 2 yoga places to

attend the different classes.  I am getting around the city of Regina quite nicely now.

we will be living on the Qu'Appelle acreage, for 2 weeks, where our horses and dog are staying as the owners are holidaying in Mexico!  so back to country living.

here are my quiet past times.................

I am starting to read Chasing God by Angie Smith and has been highly recommended from my fav blogger "The Pioneer Woman"

I am doing Yoga 3 times a week and have taken 5 classes; the 1st 2 were for RELAX and RENEWAL and classes for NECK and SHOULDERS and then the beginners yoga class called Bodhi 1 - all were great for my much needed physical mental and muscled selfie (ha!)

My dermatolgist whom I just saw this afternoon, looked at my hands and said off I go to the Pasqua Hospital for the Patch Test, which is allergy testing.  I will have 80 patches put on my back and stay on my back for 48 hours and then I go back to her, Dr. Roberta Mckay, my dermo and she then checks for anything positive. She said there is probably something you need to AVOID and you need to find out what those are.  okay-dokay!

Bodhi Tree Yoga

 "If you have found yourself struggling to understand God and your faith, you will glean something from this book no matter where you are. It’s deep and funny and just beautiful." (The Pioneer Woman)

  

I have joined a  monthly creative group where I can get together with other creatives who want to express themselves through art and journalling and I look forward to that.  First one is Jan 18.  I have met some of the women it will be a free 3 hours to work with some professional artists or others who want to create.  Yeah!!

I would say that moving to a city is working fine for me now, our decision to move to Yorkton (the coldest snowiest part of our province) is still open to discussion.  We are even talking about BC and will hopefully check BC out this summer if nothing appeals to us .....in the meantime nothing wrong with our money being invested.   Tommy is only 2 hours away and it is always a pull to not move too far, but he and I said well just think, if we end up in BC you, Tommy, can come for some great vacations!

We are blessed to have these options.  I am grateful!

sinking in

my first real retirement day

sinking down deep and

melted to my reading chair

blogging, writing, mini manicure fix ,FBing, sipping green tea,

and just downloaded the movie 'Cirque Du Soleil - Worlds Away' - a gorgeous movie

not going into SC for errands, just being in my home 

V = Vulnerable

one week every year I am vulnerable

to feel sad,

to feel scared,

to want to cry,

to miss someone so badly

to want to hold someone

that would be my son

Graham

however, I am learning to live

the vulnerable life

because life outside my comfort zone

is not that dangerous,

i have found my "helpers" these past 9 years

it took me awhile to realize they were helping

but that is being Vulnerable, life outside the comfort zone

so I will add a new helper

love this guy

Seth Godin

he has some great books out

V is for Vulnerable

to understand this blog post

is to know my loss

my life is living in the present now,

burying the past and leaving it in peace

in my heart 

being in love with my family

we all are vulnerable at times

thought maybe you might want to read this book

too

I am vulnerable

on this blog

don\t you know it?

of course I am

so

rock-on my friends.....

musing

I had a garage/truck accident in Sept

I misjudged getting into our garage as I was trying

to stay clear of the vehicle parked in the driveway

and went too far to the right and scraped the passenger

front side of my truck

as you can see below it is just like a brand

new truck. (only cost me $1400 to have the bodywork done!)

I really do like my Honda Ridgeline

this was a spontaneous moment at work one day

a coworker's birthday

I thought it was cute and funny

it was taped to the back of her chair

and a face drawn on the balloon with felt markers

it was a good laugh!

this is somewhere I go when I have to stay in town for an event

or meeting and it saves me from spending money

shopping.

I do have a weak spot for libraries

such a calming atmosphere,

all those books, all that knowledge at

my fingertips

the library has now these great blue comfortable

reading chairs and it is so nice to just sit for half an hour

and read

it is winter above our heads now and the time

for airplane travel will be discussed

I am not a fan of travelling by air

but it is fast

especially when I have someone

to look after my luggage.

that is what a man is for is it not?

what are your musings lately?

my routine and stuff

Hi,

skipped choir practice tonite, talk of freezing rain and snow

had a beautiful ride yesterday afternoon, on our tall horse Ben.  It changes my world, when I ride

horses,

I am reading a deep and wise book on the way of the horse written by Linda Kohanov from Tucson,

Arizona called The Tao of Equus

(Linda and one of her therapy horses 'Rasa')

Her writing changed the way I worked and rode Ben yesterday.  Horses have healed me in a way I can't

explain like Linda Kohanov writes about.

watching my weight, and blood sugar these days, I can get lazy and then a couple of pounds here and there add up, and

eating too large of portions of food and the blood sugar rises

still making my bed everyday and writing one sentence in my Happiness Project journal.

My sister is attending Choices Seminars in Calgary Nov 14 so excited that she is doing this.

gotta go, I just got off my treadmill and will now relax for a while until bedtime. 

I may watch Hawaii 5-0 yet too.

 click here as my son just created a photography website

I have a darn good life!

e-dub kobo e-reader sync blink......

i have a kobo

i got from hubby

i am learning all about kobo

and e-reading

and how to download books from

kobo, chapter-indigo, amazon

our regional library

learning about syncing your reader

and charging my kobo

changing the fonts to my liking

putting my finger on a word i need to know

the definition and websters dictionary definition pops up in a little window

i know that e-dub or something like that is what i click on to get

my edition for downloading

i missed for the first while holding a book and putting a bookmark in it

and just missed the physical presence of flipping pages

it still is the best way to read.

but e-readers are a blessing when choosing books and receiving them

immediately, they cost less than buying books in retail stores.

oh did you pick up the book THE HAPPINESS PROJECT by Gretchin Rubin

please do!!!!

The Happiness Project

I am shouting out for this book which i am in the middle of reading right now:

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

if there is anything you do this summer, I suggest you at the very least

read this book

 find out what is your happiness

it brought back lots of things for me to bring back into my days, as we forget
who we are,
"Be Donna"


she writes about herself and learns to "Be Gretchen"


honestly, pick up this book and read!
bog link: Gretchen


thank you!

readin' and ranchin'

hi

we went west

to the city

stayed in Calgary

Mantracker wrote his Land Agent exam

we both saw our NUCCA doctor

walked along the Bow River

I read my book , it was actually really good, as I picked it up

at the Safeway 30% off table.

it  also rained and thundered hard all day in the city

and driving home

I want to take these home

they were standing in the corner of the TV area in the condo

(I would put them somewhere more noticeable myself)

they are cool statues!

had to take a picture

this day for Mothers

i had a relaxing Mother's Day weekend and my son

spoiled me (as usual) and know that without him

Mother's Day would suck (pardon the lack of a better word)

I read the 1st and 2nd books of The Hunger Games, I am addicted to the story and now need

to pick up the third and last book.

I watched 2 movies Mission Impossible - Ghost Protocol with Tom Cruise

and then Sunday I watched The Descendants with George Clooney

I really enjoyed it, plus I was sick with a sore throat and very tired and slept alot too!

 I know for lots of Mom's this day can be pushed at them and the "special" gifts and moments advertised on TV are unforgiving

  These celebrations are reminders of many Moms and their children and many woman who want

to be a Mom and some who can't figure out how to be one?

we all have a purpose on this earth and if you found Mother's Day to be sad, or difficult, or happy and blessed, then know that it is all planned for some of us to have these different emotions on this day

Women are nuturing and Mothers' to many on this earth - I celebrate that!

my weekend plans

(photo credit unknown)

 cuddle up to something soft this weekend

reading under a soft blanket

Words

put words together and leave out the excess and see how it inspires your thinking

(this is on my wall at home)

here is a word that i wonder how it was created because someone was able to move the letters around

What does it feel like when you know you are really being heard?

what if you were to first seek to understand and then to be understood?

When you take the word "Listen" and change the letters around you get the word "Silent" and then if you change the words around you get "Tinsel" like in the silver lining.

I am listenening to what people are saying to me. Sometimes it will be with words and sometimes it will be their body language.

what words put together inspire you to act?

i need exercise!

i am on holidays now until Dec 29 and the SC Oratorio Christmas performances are done! whew...that is a committment, but it is also rewarding.  We get a break now until Jan 9 and start working on the Easter extravaganza! 

I need to get my body outside walking and play with a horse or two.  I am looking forward to a quiet Christmas and reading some books, maybe have some Christmas cheer with a friend or two.  But, right now I need to get out my physio blue foam roller and do my NUCCA stretches, then head outside and walk. 

However, I am still in my chair in the living room with stretch pants on and my pyjamas and an old sweater, with a coffee and toast.  (this is also part of the "body, mind-soul" exercise regime! oh ya!) 

How is your next week shaping up?

Style and Inspiration-TGIF

Trusting that my patience and prioritizing and communication skills can handle the office pressures and constant training that is required in my department at work in the next few months.

A little Diana Krall piped through my desktop would help {wouldn’t that be nice}
sometimes I am a huge fan of her music…. But mainly I am a fan of “who she is” that I love. I have listened to people interview her and I like the person…so of course I like the sad slow moody jazz beat and her classy low key appearance

Grateful for my power walks that I am doing and am able to keep doing due to our summer and soon fall season coming up, and the energy and calm focus it provides. I look rather funny when I am power walking…arms swinging, feet marching fast almost at a run but not quite..very effective for me and I only have to go for a 15 or 20 minute walk to get same benefits as a longer walk


Inspired by a book I ordered and when i read thru the first couple of sections I already know this book is going to do something for me. I am always rearranging or setting an ornament or inspired phrase somewhere on or above my desk. It is because I have to work in an environment that assists me in a way with my "style"...it is so important. Some of us go to serious lengths to have our environment inspire them, especially at home and at work. We need that.... Style Statement-Live by Your Own Design

no fluff reading continued

okay...this is a very heavy read {autistic people are highly detailed} so this link will take you to a 3 minute video about the author..if you love animals it is worth checking out Animals in Translation by Temple Grandin... here is a BRIEF summary of good information on what CAN SCARE prey animals when loading or moving thru alleys and chutes.

1. sparkling reflections on puddles
2. reflections on smooth metal
3. chains that jiggle
4. metal clanging or banging
5. high-pitched noise
6. air hissing
7. air drafts blowing on approaching animals
8. clothing hung on fence
9. piece of plastic that is moving
10. slow fan blade movement
11. seeing people moving up ahead
12. small object on the floor
13. changes in flooring and texture
14. drain grate on the floor
15. sudden changes in the color of equipment
16. chute entrance too dark
17. bright light such as blinding sun
18. one-way or anti-backup gates

Animals in Translation author Temple Grandin

If you are a horse or agricultural animal owner and have tried to load.....well... lets say a horse into a strange trailer or trying to encourage a new colt or filly into a barn for the very first time {Brian and I have stories about that}….. This summary pertains to cattle/hogs/horses..they THINK IN PICTURES..

There is so much more to learn from this book but can only absorb in small chapters. When my brain hurts it is time to stop.

no fluff reading

I like to read and I find it hard to find books anymore that stimulate my mind and "speak to me"..except I found this book at the library...

Animals in Translation -using the mysteries of autism to decode animal behaviour is a great resource for me to:
..understand Summer's behaviour with his hind leg and how dog's react to pain.
..Horses, because they are a prey animal, will not show their hurting unless they are by themselves as weakness in an animal means death.
..The 'dominant" prey animals in a herd, like horses and cows, will most likely be grazing or standing in the middle of the herd because they are more protected from predators.
..Cat's purr when they are in pain and cat's purr when they are happy. It is something they do because it feels good (like rubbing your foot and the motions of massage - it is very similar, it is the vibration that is soothing)
Temple Grandin is an autistic adult and also now an animal scientist and her understanding of animals relates to the fact that animals brains are very similar to the autistic mind because they "think in pictures" just as Autistic children/adults do.

Also Brene Brown's book "I thought it was just me {ITIWJM} is on order as we speak and it is all about women's authenticity and the same, fear, and resilience that makes us weak, can be turned into strength, living truthfully and having a connection is so important. I can hardly wait to get it and work through the read-a-long on her blog 'ordinary courage'

love this true story....

I just finished reading this book The Girl In The Picture - Kim Phuc Story documented and written by Denise Chong. This true story has meaning and depth and is a about a 9 year old girl who lived in South Vietnam and was struck by a napalm bomb in the 1972 Vietnam War. A photographer took a picture of her just after she was hit...well then the story continues and alot of you many know of her ...well I won't say more, but Kim Phuc now lives in Toronto and still represents a powerful message to the world about forgiveness and peace and the ugliness of war.

THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE:
THE KIM PHUC STORY
A book by Denise Chong about
the "Napalm Girl" as she struggled
to reclaim her life.

Vietnam today, "two wheel" transportation only

Ao Dai Vietnam in bicycle
Originally uploaded by Hai Trieu - Nikon