end of January nearing

{Too Much To Carry...Throw Away!}

Guilt, Money, Judgement, Purpose List

1.  I am comfortable being uncomfortable. {past coworker)

2.  Focus does not mean you say YES to all things pertaining to what you want to focus on, it is

saying NO to 1000 ..... distractions BE GONE!  {Steve Jobs/Brene Brown}

3.  I am responsible for my life results and I am trusting that the results other people are 

creating is perfect for them now. {Carol Tuttle}

4.  The missing puzzle piece is Self-Love {Doodlesforchange}

5.  I appreciate money and money appreciates to support me. {Carol Tuttle}

6.  I am not a decorative plant and if I have to step back and be a quieter self to make others

comfortable...well time to move on from that environment. {Sweatpants and Coffee}

7. I am benefiting others when I am living true to my energy profile or nature. (Carol Tuttle)

8.  I must always make myself clear so others know exactly where I am at.  (my life lesson)

9.  Guilt is an opportunity to correct something and to stop feeding the past. The past is always

looking FOR SOME GUILT!

10.  I need to stand for something or I will fall for anything.

January is almost over!

a precious object indeed

Have you started to realize or notice that nothing is

ever as it seems with people.?   I am sure you have.  This

post has nothing to do with that question. Or maybe it does.

Connecting at Christmas through the holidays

and all December's events means for me to

be authentically true and I cannot give to

everyone and I cannot pretend I don't miss 

my loved one (our son who left this earth

too many years ago). 

'''''' I saw him in a dream in September  

 and this dream was so real.  He looked 

like himself in this dream and of course I started to break

down and cried as he stood in front of me and he said "I hope you

don't cry often"  He looked so darned happy.  I was in a library

and I noticed he was working with a woman and a child sorting books.  The woman nodded

at him and he then came over to my area and walked up to me and past me and turned around.  That is when I started

to cry.  His comment made me think really really hard and it didn't take

long to get it.  Getting it means he has his place now and he is

working and learning about who he is and he had the confidence

(as was his way on earth) to simply state a fact or emotion.''''''

After that experience of a realistic dream; I find I am connecting now more than ever with people;

not in a way of close friends but just being around

them and accepting a peace with myself.  

Grief is a huge lesson.  It is.  It is.  Darn it, it is!

So I am with vigour and self-confidence doing a couple of things like:

riding as much as I can....for adventure and exercise.

I am swimming...for my health and flexibility and meeting

women who share the passion of the benefits of water exercise. I also

swim for my mental stability too.  I am stronger and whatever comes up

in my life now is easier to deal with when I treat myself like a precious object, yes a precious object

because I am delicate and need to nurture my inner soul, and

it will make me stronger.

spontaneity art

i have enjoyed my expressionist

last minute (spontaneous) art

It is a release.

 nail polish splatter

 watercolors and oil/acrylic paint markers

keep calm and "art" on!

my guilt list

okay

I am going to nip this in the bud

so to speak

The Guilt List

I feel guilty when.....

I don't bake enough

I don't have food prepared

for company in my freezer

When someone vents out loud I think it is my fault or somehow
I screwed up

I read too many books, am I lazy?

I should of hugged my boys more when they were little

Because, I am not much for hugging

When I don't have anything planned for the day, or several days

When I am not making friends

When I use money incorrectly 

When I do not have as much energy as other women seem to

When I cannot patch up the past and have to just live in the present

When my neck gets stiff and I once again have to slow down and relax

....and on and on it will go and it depends on the time of year

The Guilt Resolved List

in my senior retirement years I have resolved this.....

• My self-talk is positive

• My confidence is based on my Guilt List (above) - if no guilt ....I can move forward, plan some fun...et al

• Christmas comes around and I know I love buying a live tree and bringing it home and watching it thaw out to see what shape it will actually be.  Decorations are minimal.  I know once that tree is in the house the guilt about cooking, baking and performing traditional meals is always a work through process for me.  I don't feel guilty anymore because I know what I love that time of year.  Lights!  I speak my mind to my family about what I need this time of year and I know that it is appreciated - "Don't shrink, don't puff up, just stand my sacred ground!

my mother-in-law made a statement to me

many years ago when my boys were toddlers and I was really

not coping well.  She said "Donna, everything will pass in time". Sometimes

I remembered those words and sometimes I didn't.

• 
  

I know there is more guilt that crops up depending on

timely events and things misinterpreted among people

I trust myself and have a purpose in life to

be truthful to my nature and then things do fall into place

with guilt or no guilt.  We cannot get back to the past, even if I try I just can't get there!

Have you ever written down your guilt list?

your natural colours

I am living and dressing my truth

with Carol Tuttle's programs

and the 4 types of nature and

style guide colours are confusing

to alot of us.

My nature is rich dynamic swift moving multi-tasking

person.  So the framed colour chart on the bottom

left on this wall are my colours/shades/tones to wear as

these colours match my true nature of movement.

what a great idea for someone to get all 4 and

put them on their wall. 

I am not saying much more

as you have to be a dressing your truth

member or at least sign in for the free

short video to learn your type.

my hubby is a bold still movement and his

is the bottom right colour guide.

here is the link to the

free video

LiveYourTruth

it is a fun work in progress and I have been living 

and dressing my truth for 4 years. So enjoy!

throw back this thursday

It's a birthday week;

my boy Graham's was on April 20 (a regretful throwback Thursday in a couple of days).

Had a tough, kind of annoying evening last night

I figured out it was about loss.

After 13 years of working

with grief I have figured out

one simple thing.

That sharp stone of grief in my pocket

pinches me every now and then.

So I am embracing this long

lonely desolate feeling I had last night.

He was in grade Nine here at Waldeck School;

his t-shirt and watch were purchases from

our skii trip in Banff a few weeks previously.

Just saying that the  statement that so many

refer to about "God does not give you anything that

you cannot handle"......

It is a misrepresented statement

God  hands out small doses of pain

to us when he feels we can accept something

about our pain, another little nugget of memory

regret, guilt.

He hands it out in little chunks.

That is what that statement means.

Little pieces of grief are added throughout the

years.  At first it is overwhelming and exhaustive.

That higher being or God, whichever,  is your belief

has it under control.  

Yes God has given me what I can handle, one small pebble or big

chunk at different times.  I have learned to be aware of when

he is "pinching me".

I am so grateful for what I still have.  Gratitude is the key for me

and once I remember that the pain  changes and subsides!

My Easter message I guess.

{love}

what is working for me

toque up

glove up

it's the heart of winter!

 as far as the new year that has begun,  I know what worked

for me in 2016 and that was exercise

5 days a week, and an average of 8,000 activity steps

a day

I have no goals or new year resolutions

I am just going to keep on doing what worked for

me last year

What is still working for me these last few years is blogging

and writing in my morning pages (journalling and personal prayers); photo taking!

 my new year 2017 quote.....

anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.” 

― David Whyte, House of Belonging

flashlight walk

I can't seem to get the serious Christmas sentimentality

this year

I was going to post something about a time when...

instead tonight we went outside with our

flashlights

and walked and

took pictures

it was very dark

we had fun with flashlights

and it being so dark you could not see

we never gave it the chance for our eyes

to get used to the darkness

something different

on such a nice

night

trying to figure out the

better photo --with the flash on

or flash off and needing our flashlights

to see the camera settings

a big secret you may not know

about me is

I am very afraid of the dark

walking out into the night

by myself is scary

so this was a good way to make

the night time

not so scary

of course I had my partner

in crime who just came up last night

for Christmas

he is always game for some different fun

Peace and Goodwill to all this weekend!

My God Jar

Worrying,

fretting,

anxious,

overwhelmed

got a problem with no

present resolution in sight?

I have gotten in the habit to

write a concern or problem in

prayer or even a question on a piece of

paper to God.  I fold it and place in my God jar

under the desk and then whenever the problem 

creeps its ugly head at me I just say 

"God's got it"

every 3 months or so

I empty the jar and review

the requests/prayers!

who are your tribe?

I think we all need our own people

you know, the ones that "get you"

who don't care if you can't always be there

in the right place at the right time

but yet you know they will be when they can

I love direct answers about myself

that will teach me or remind me who I am

not being and who I need to be, at times

{get it}

find your tribe and bounce off them so they can

bounce off you 

not everyone is helpable,

not everyone has to be,

just recognize your people

it is grounding and connecting

{enough said I know you got it)

"I am attracting people into my life who respect and honor me,

and I respect and honor them.

I am grateful for the comfortable interactions I have daily with all the like-minded people who are in my life. " 

Carol Tuttle

stressors out

we have been handling an issue with the purchase of

our home and acreage for the past year

and it has finally been resolved but not without a

poor relationship developed with the vendor

and extra funds $$$ poured out by us we had not planned for.

Once the shock that this money needed to be paid

and several conversations to understand why is now over.

 Over and resolved but still has me wondering what happens to the

emotions and anxiety of working it out with strangers I am still holding

  in my body.   We didn't win but we got our legal rebate $$.

It's like looking through the fence and seeing the other side

then when you are on the other side it just smells

like a dirty hole we were forced to climb through and rulings that was missed by our realtor

and our lawyer.

It is just money, but that line is getting old with me.

"Sunshine in and darkness out"

let's make sense

I am learning to

recognize drama.

I feel intuitive and

am trusting it

I like people.

I wish myself and others well.

I also appreciate myself and others

without feeling sorry for anyone.

So... if I

stand for something I won't  fall for anything.

Motherwell History + RSO

We took a day trip to this National Historical Park at Abernathy, Sask.  You can tour through the

whole house inside and eat what was baking in the kitchen, a beautiful home

for that era and farming lifestyle.

Motherwell Stone house restored to 1912-1918 era

built in very late 1800's

huge barn built 1908

stonework under barn

Steam Engine (early 1900s farming) revving up to start the threshing and

stooking  equipment for harvest

I did not think they would get this thing running

but  they did and they forked and stooked and

the grain fell into the wagon behind

love these Mules who were all black and shiny and the long ears

were so prominent.  There were Belgians and Clydsdales pulling wagons, as well, for
rides around the different entrances to this very large farmstead.

I would recommend this day trip to Abernathy SK
it is really a farm homestead worth learning about.





The Regina Symphony Orchestra performed in the afternoon
the main reason I came here today was to listen to them perform.  I am guessing at least
1500 to 2000 people here if not more.



so calming and beautiful to listen in the outdoors
under the trees and in my lawn chair

old partner

horse riding is so glorious!

 my horse partners' have always

reminded me of my responsibility

to share my plan for

the ride at that moment.

Horses need a plan!

 no saddle horn on this English saddle so

my intention to the horse is

to enjoy and stretch and glide

and just ride, does not have to be fast

i do love a good trott always though!

i just really enjoyed my afternoon with my old friend

Rocky. We sure have helped each other with some grieving for our loved one, Graham, over the years, together.

I make a point of riding this horse so I can

get back to that intention and partnership and the

history behind our rides

"The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears"

impromptu gathering

 my siblings and all spouses and my parents are here (and my niece Brenda)

Aug 13, 2016

Smitty's at Golden Mile in Regina

fire session

some days I do not recognize my gifts of being and I do enough!

so here is my thing....

 drink coffee in a.m.
writing 3 pages in morning pages
read a daily scripture or write my own prayer
make Shakeo and drink it also include

w/2 glasses water
dress to sweat and hit play
2 more glasses of water
eat breakfast and plan meals
sit on deck as much as possible
make bed sometime in morning
post on my blog/FB
sometimes shop for groceries
better yet read when I can
which is quite a bit
write an article if inspired by moment(s)
talk to horses

I enjoy an hour or two of lazin' too

the fire starts inside
when a day goes by and I never stop to wonder
 am I bored? or I feel complete?
I write what I did that day
it starts in the morning just like I said
and the day builds from there 
but it has to start with writing, drinking,
sweating and planning!

 Did I mention I love purple?

Boundary Weave

This was a project that came together one wool yarn weave

at a time

My husband built the frame

I painted it

I call it Boundaries

To keep oneself open while still maintaining your own boundaries.

That is love to oneself and keeps others safe knowing

your truth.

I am a Taurus Woman

My Zodiac time is drawing near (April 21 - May 20)

A Taurus Woman (that's me)

I especially like the fact that it states Taurus women are actually introverted.  I never felt really comfortable with saying I am an extrovert.  Some interesting facts below.  These facts are very true to my nature and I was impressed how well it stated what a Taurus (Bull) woman is like.  I have struggled with my natural nature and doing my best to be more.

(summer time flower basket hanging in the Town of Val Marie)

Introversion
Many wouldn't guess that Taurus women are naturally introverts, since they don't hesitate to take on leadership roles and they have no problem with going after what they want. However, the Taurus female needs time alone to recharge after being with a large group or socializing at a big event. She loves planning her own schedule and choosing how she perceives the things around her, which she's more easily able to do on her own. Her internal life is very active, and you won't be privy to many of her thoughts unless she's close to you.

Artistic Flare
Nature and aesthetic beauty are very important to a Taurus woman. She enjoys being outside and looking for beautiful views or places that are particularly camera-friendly. Generally, she's happiest in an artistic space or when she can surround herself with objects that she finds pleasing to look at.

Genuineness
Putting up with artifice, facades, or false impressions isn't tolerable for a Taurus woman. She wants people to present themselves as they truly are, and she'll quickly grow weary of those who dance around issues or try to shape her perceptions of reality. You can expect a female Taurus to always be honest about who she is and what she wants, and she'll leave a first impression that proves to be representative of her true personality.

(my mom's petunia on her deck at Madge Lake)

Temper
It's rare for a Taurus woman to become so upset that she loses her temper, but when she does, it's not easily forgotten. Chances are, she's put up with a lot of stress before reaching a breaking point, so her outbursts are intense. She can be very stubborn about the points she makes and won't budge on her views unless she's given a very good reason to change them.

Tomboyish
Though Taurus women have no reservations about expressing their femininity and choosing feminine styles, they're often tomboys at heart who are happy to participate in activities that are mostly male-dominated.

Passive-Aggressive
In conflicts, Taurus women may not be up front about what they feel the real problem is. Instead of starting an argument, they might ignore the offenders or simply treat them with indifference.

(at Madge Lake in the fall 2015 - I remember this passive-aggressive time)

Intelligent
They're not always brainy or nerdy about their smarts, but Taurus women know a lot and are practical about applying their knowledge.

Good Mother
A Taurus woman is an extremely caring and successful mother. She won't stand for disobedience in her children, and that's part of the reason they often grow up to be polite and agreeable.

Good with Finances
Taurus women are smart with money and know how to distribute their funds and handle them successfully, making them well suited for career choices such as brokers and accountants.

Interesting stuff!

My Web

so many things interacting in my life

mostly good things

a little bit of darkness and bad energy though

the web I drew here is

inspired by the spider webs hanging in-between

the corners of our horse fences

sometimes I think I just stick to things and hang out

and catch whatever comes

sometimes I smudge things up

and other times things are precise and clear

so that is how I colored my web!

keep it going

I have been looking back at older posts on this website.  Some of the writings of my earlier posts

tend towards bluntness and sometimes directionless.  I am at an insecure phase right now

about writing and painting. 

What I will say today on this post is that

we all have "blocks" and we keep moving forward but

somehow what we say is not really what we are

thinking.  This may not make sense to you.  It is real for me

now and now that I have reached my goal for this move

to happen and I am here I am closed off as what more

to share with you the reader.  

I have to finish what I started.  I started writing a document that is

personal and it is stored in my closet in the art room.  I opened this closet and took down the accordian folder that I saved it in and started to edit; some of

what I documented on this project needs more mature grammar

and the paragraphs are not completely clear information.

Regina skies

I am now able to share this writing with an editor  and it is making my thoughts about

my immature writing more vulnerable for me.  I was told by a woman who has written several

books through Hay House and other publishing companies that her first publisher/editor reviewed her

writing and asked if she finished high school.  She is now still writing and very successful.

Keep editing and writing and stay calm!