I woke up thinking

I woke up thinking the work was done

I would not have to practice today

how naive to think healing was that easy

when there is no end point

no finish line to cross

healing is everyday work

- rupi kaur

the sun and her flowers

my guilt list

okay

I am going to nip this in the bud

so to speak

The Guilt List

I feel guilty when.....

I don't bake enough

I don't have food prepared

for company in my freezer

When someone vents out loud I think it is my fault or somehow
I screwed up

I read too many books, am I lazy?

I should of hugged my boys more when they were little

Because, I am not much for hugging

When I don't have anything planned for the day, or several days

When I am not making friends

When I use money incorrectly 

When I do not have as much energy as other women seem to

When I cannot patch up the past and have to just live in the present

When my neck gets stiff and I once again have to slow down and relax

....and on and on it will go and it depends on the time of year

The Guilt Resolved List

in my senior retirement years I have resolved this.....

• My self-talk is positive

• My confidence is based on my Guilt List (above) - if no guilt ....I can move forward, plan some fun...et al

• Christmas comes around and I know I love buying a live tree and bringing it home and watching it thaw out to see what shape it will actually be.  Decorations are minimal.  I know once that tree is in the house the guilt about cooking, baking and performing traditional meals is always a work through process for me.  I don't feel guilty anymore because I know what I love that time of year.  Lights!  I speak my mind to my family about what I need this time of year and I know that it is appreciated - "Don't shrink, don't puff up, just stand my sacred ground!

my mother-in-law made a statement to me

many years ago when my boys were toddlers and I was really

not coping well.  She said "Donna, everything will pass in time". Sometimes

I remembered those words and sometimes I didn't.

• 
  

I know there is more guilt that crops up depending on

timely events and things misinterpreted among people

I trust myself and have a purpose in life to

be truthful to my nature and then things do fall into place

with guilt or no guilt.  We cannot get back to the past, even if I try I just can't get there!

Have you ever written down your guilt list?

small and proud

this is a sarcastic post

(a little bit it is)

We go to the 150th Canada Day

Celebration at our Western Development Museum

on July 1st

there was singing and dancing

entertainment;

Historical Vikings in costume,

with all the tools and handicraft

of their lifestyle; as well as a demo

of how they fought and died and survived (interesting).

Brian went to get a Canada Day cupcake or

piece of cake, so we thought, as last year they had

a huge table with cupcakes free for the taking,

all decorated with red and white icing.  It was kind of

special.

(Canada Day 2016)

this year there was no cupcakes or cake to be found

and they gave out small tiny Canada pins.

(very tiny)

 (can you see it?)

I am small but mighty.

this day was for kids at the museum grounds

that is for sure

so we grabbed a hamburger and a fudgsicle

and departed.  All good just expected more!

We saw the fireworks last night and they were good
but nothing too special just kind of the same as usual.
I suppose I was expecting more extravagance?  feel more special as a Canadian citizen (spoil alert)!

lakes on brain

the parks and the lakes

are opening this weekend

I checked out the new playground

at the Kinsmen Point at

York Lake

The old playground was rusted

and then they painted over it 100 times

and it just was not kid friendly

so Yorkton community raised

funds to have a brand new playground

for York Lake Regional Park

My grandpa played golf here when I was

a wee elementary school girl

I am happy that updates are

finally taking place.

this lake is a regional park and we live just a short few

miles from here

{insert happy face here}🙋🙋

Motherwell History + RSO

We took a day trip to this National Historical Park at Abernathy, Sask.  You can tour through the

whole house inside and eat what was baking in the kitchen, a beautiful home

for that era and farming lifestyle.

Motherwell Stone house restored to 1912-1918 era

built in very late 1800's

huge barn built 1908

stonework under barn

Steam Engine (early 1900s farming) revving up to start the threshing and

stooking  equipment for harvest

I did not think they would get this thing running

but  they did and they forked and stooked and

the grain fell into the wagon behind

love these Mules who were all black and shiny and the long ears

were so prominent.  There were Belgians and Clydsdales pulling wagons, as well, for
rides around the different entrances to this very large farmstead.

I would recommend this day trip to Abernathy SK
it is really a farm homestead worth learning about.





The Regina Symphony Orchestra performed in the afternoon
the main reason I came here today was to listen to them perform.  I am guessing at least
1500 to 2000 people here if not more.



so calming and beautiful to listen in the outdoors
under the trees and in my lawn chair

old partner

horse riding is so glorious!

 my horse partners' have always

reminded me of my responsibility

to share my plan for

the ride at that moment.

Horses need a plan!

 no saddle horn on this English saddle so

my intention to the horse is

to enjoy and stretch and glide

and just ride, does not have to be fast

i do love a good trott always though!

i just really enjoyed my afternoon with my old friend

Rocky. We sure have helped each other with some grieving for our loved one, Graham, over the years, together.

I make a point of riding this horse so I can

get back to that intention and partnership and the

history behind our rides

"The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears"

joy with grief

  sharing my grief just a wee tiny bit here

may not make sense

but I discovered this from

an inspiring woman I follow

she is so sacred and dramatic

her name is Danielle Laporte

here I was, my son was gone...

"I'm aching over this loss, so can this aching gratitude in my core be real? Am I betraying my memories? Am I denying my pain?"

Not at all. You're expanding. says Danielle Laporte

whoa!  this is a definition of how I felt when I was grieving after my son Graham passed on.

It did not  fail that when I went  through the early beginnings of the most heart-breaking passages of my life — losing a son and all dreams dashed — the pain brought me to the floor of my being, and what was there to be found?

The simple joy of being alive. So cosmically basic it's mind-blowing: the joy to be here, connected, animated, breathing, blessed, resilient, to be broken, to be open, to have what was, what's left, what's coming. The joy just to be part of reality.

joy is an inner vibration that is always achingly in the background waiting
for you

an inspiring sculpture speaks to me about my grief

let me explain
the horse is powerful and strong (personal inner power)
the rider is fearless and will face the unknown as he
moves with his personal inner strength

grief is deep
grief is empowering

back in 1974

my friend Linda (on the left) sent me this via facebook messaging a few days 

ago.

This was taken 41 years ago while visiting her family in Moose Jaw.

I was at SIAST taking Recreation Technology.

Linda and Louise were in the Dental Assistant program.

we had fun!