SLAM

Yorkton Arts Council put on the 3rd Annual

StorySLAM night and...... wait for it---wait for it--

I won the competition! 

Here is my StorySLAM

story (you only get 5 minutes and then you are gonged!)

What The Health?  StorySLAM Oct 2018

NUMBER 41 PLEASE!!  i look at my ticket number it's number 65! sigh

Im in admissions at a hospital.   The anticipation of how fast my number will be called is undeterminable.

  - Health.  My health relies on numbers sometimes.

 Lately it seems every time I walk into a hospital and they have a ticket number counter that you have to pull a piece of paper or the ticket and it has a number.   It is supposed to easily tear off.  I pull too quick and it gives me 5 ticket numbers (embarassed)

 The next time I go it happens to me again.  It's like i need to be trained somehow at pulling a ticket out of these counter machines.  Sheesh

yes what the heck?  what the Health?  i am back in school.  I take tests and I fail alot.  What is up with that I ask?  4 times a year I go to a hospital lab and I take a number and wait for my specific number to be called.  Then they make sure I have my wrist tag on and it is actually me.  Okay Kindergarten memories

Go pee in a bottle?  sounds fun, how many times have I done this?  the fun in that is I get to carry my bottle of pee and put it in the fridge with other pee bottles.  

I sit down and wait and then my name is called and they look at my wrist name tag, oh I mean

wrist bracelet - yes Ill call it that. Sounds better.  You are Donna yes and your birthdate is yes...

Kindergarten.  The time for taking blood is up on me and then they ask me an intelligent question

like …which arm?  I say right arm only.  (i’m experienced i’ve done this before)

Oh and I have an instruction sheet that the doctor prints off for me every year and I have to hang onto that sheet and pass it the hospital every 3 months to the lab ‘techs’.  Its like here is my page of squares and check marks. I hope I pass this time!

I feel like I have done something wrong?

Am I bad if I have high blood pressure and then oops I also have high blood sugar? No not really, but I feel that way quite often.

Lets get back to this health life Im practicing to improve.  I have quality of life now.

 I want to pass all my lab numbers.! I sit in the doctor's office and wait for him to pop up my lab results on his computer screen and tell me if I passed or failed for my blood pressure then cholesterol and then blood sugar   He gives me the numbers (again more numbers) I need to study harder!  eat better, exercise and make sure my body can move and perform all that is required in exercise and daily life.

Now what about exercise.  Is sitting in a yogi seated position an exercise or maybe standing in the kitchen preparing food for meals?  No not enough.  Say what?  Speed up my metabolism?  A big word and they say it means I am slowing down and too sedentary.  “Hello!  metabolism what is happening?” I never have been told you were a problem before”. “Now come on lets get this metabolism sped up!”

Do lots of walking but not sauntering (hmmm)…  oh I have to walk at moderate speed for 30 minutes fast enough that it is somewhat harder to talk to someone beside you - (being a little bit out of breath)  got it ...panting but oh!  only for a mere 30 minutes and oh!  it says 5 days a week so that is 150 minutes a week.

I was told coffee speeds up metabolism.  Something to think about.  laughing.  well i know for a fact that socializing is very healthy and it is way easier to talk to someone and drink coffee beside me without panting.  Am I wrong?

i have to get my 30 minutes of exercise in so wait for me at coffee time.  Or better yet don't start socializing and having fun until I get there.

Now I am exercising several times a week and Im hungrier than ever.  What no bread/ Quinoa yes, Kale yes,  yogurt, (in moderation) and  ice cream no!,   Can I still drink coffee?  Yes coffee is good!  Water is good!  Watch the carbs as all those breads and potatoes convert to sugar once in my digestive system.  Sugary foods is sugar in my system but hello carbs!  What the Health are you doing to me.!