and if the barn walls could talk...

 I was just in the barn today; it has been awhile now since I have sat and had my chat with this horse. I used to spend quite a bit of time in the barn just looking at him and petting his head.  I would try and talk about everyday things that happen but mostly I talk about what I have learned from Graham's death and occassionally read a letter I wrote, right out loud in the barn.  It is very powerful and healing for me and Rocky will just look at me when I stand back and share something with him.  The powerful silence, but yet presence, of another being in front of me gives me confidence to ramble or cry and hug Rocky.  This has been the GREATEST healing for me irregardless of all the grief counseling and reading the bible or writing on this blog or even in my journal. Healing Touch has been significant in my life too, but still, not as amazing as this time in the barn. For me, it is the comfort of the spoken word without being judged.  Rocky does not judge me and if he gets bored he knows I will continue to give him treats until I am finished.  I feel so good when I leave the barn after.  Like, someone else was there too, I believe Graham is in that barn when I pay attention to his horse.  I can feel the silence around me.  Grief has made me aware of the presence of invisible energy and signs that mean something.  Maybe if any of you have suffered the loss of a loved one you can understand what I am trying to explain.  It is meaningful and real.  

Planuary is ending now and I feel like I have shed another layer of skin and given a new fresh layer to carry forth to 2010 and so I go on, sometimes stronger, smarter and sometimes weaker, but blessed. 

 

Until our next barn visit....