being real

struggling with not being true to what is happening in my day and at work causes neck and shoulder pain for me...very acutely too...I have had this struggle for 20 years or more....not recognizing or admitting or taking time to STOP and think why do I feel so tense and my body so stiff?

IMPATIENCE - i get into a 'push forward and get more organized' behaviour - kinda like a superman push - then I get a stiff neck and shoulders because I have not listened to my head and asked why I feel so bad..

I need kindness from my family and I need to STOP and take time to absorb anything new that is added into my work day and personal life and take "down" time constructively and FEEL and ACKNOWLEDGE to myself what is happening...no more pushing forward until I have admitted what is bothering me!

what gets in my way of asking for what I need? - not being true to what I need to do and not listening and being aware of what is happening with ME inside. Not being authentic because of EXPECTATIONS ...I guess just my EXPECTATIONS - no one elses.

I am willing to change my goals and listen to the messages my day brings and stop what I am doing that is causing severe tension.""reminders like sticky notes tacked onto the dash of my car {for example} FOCUS, BREATHE, BE REAL, ...

This is what I am practicing as I am just finishing up the read-along- "I thought It Was Just Me" book written by Brene Brown. I know I must be working hard at this as I have felt like a "fish out of water" for the past month and actually depressed at times or...maybe I am just being more authentic.

Thanks for listening.